The World Health Organization calls stress a "Worldwide Epidemic." Close to 90% of visits to primary care physicians are for stress related problems, 40% of employee turnover is stress related, and American business loses more than $200 billion annually in absenteeism, worker’s compensation claims, health insurance costs and lowered productivity.

The ability to "keep up with it all" is fast becoming one of our cultures’ most sought after possessions, second only to the latest technological gizmo. We’re consistently trying to do more with less and in the process, are sacrificing our health, relationships with those we most care about, and the ability to focus on the job at hand.

Beliefs Drive Consequences

Understanding the underlying beliefs that influence our reactions has a significant impact on the way we handle "stressors." Researchers have found that the impact of stress has more to do with the way we interpret things, than the magnitude of the stressor itself. We may have the same physiological reaction to a large-scale crisis, like being fired, as we do to a small irritant, like interacting with a demanding co-worker, depending on the way we choose to interpret and respond.

In the spring of 1988, my husband announced he had accepted a 6 month temporary assignment and would be leaving in 4 weeks. The best part of it was, he had VOLUNTEERED! His timing was impeccable. In the upcoming months, we had planned to move to upstate New York, I would be in the midst of final exams for my under-grad degree, the doctor had just advised I undergo surgery, and our children were 2, 4, and 6 years of age.

Overwhelmed? Stressed? You bet! As I clutched the closest chair for support and tried to understand his reasoning, my mind was spinning with the prospect of studying for finals, packing up the house, single parenting 3 toddlers, driving cross-country to a new community, and recovering from surgery – all by myself!

My interpretation of these events was driven by underlying beliefs and values, which had a powerful influence on my reactions. In other words, sparks flew! I was raised in a family where you stayed together, no matter what, and rarely did either parent leave for extended periods of time – for work or any other reason. I believed he was putting the health and well being of our family at risk.

Yet, my husband was raised in a family where both parents were children of the Depression and lived their lives with money as a significant force that drove most of their decisions. My husband saw this temporary assignment and the additional income it would generate as a way of taking care of his family. His decisions were being driven from that perspective with financial security as an underlying value.

A Tool for Understanding: Learn Your ABC’s

To handle stress more effectively, we must understand the three major components:

The action, behavior, or event that occurs (Husband announcing his 6 month absence)
The underlying value or belief that drives the action (Husband values financial security)
The consequences that occur based on our interpretation and/or conflicting values (Wife values physical support more than financial security)
If you imagine a playground "see-saw" with two children sitting on either end, one usually goes up when the other goes down. Beliefs are in the center. Actions and consequences are in or out of balance at either end. Actions have consequences. What determines the balance and drives the momentum is based on where the fulcrum (center point) is placed.

3 Steps to Better Control

The first step in learning how to control our reactions to the stressors that life serves up is to stop long enough to consider the beliefs that drive our behaviors and those of others. A short list includes:

Faith
Family
Health
Financial Security
Self-image
Education
The second step is looking back to the past to identify how those beliefs have influenced our choices. For example:

"I am superwoman, hear me roar!" Therefore, I MUST accept responsibility for every task that needs to be done regarding this project or event, be "in the know" on every detail, feel accountable (whether you are or not) when others don’t perform according to expectations, and clean up every mess that results. Because this belief may be central to who I think I am as an individual, I overload my plate on a consistent basis and drive up my stress level as well as those around me.

The third step is to change old patterns. The following tips may help:

Evaluate your calendar with a critical eye and cancel those obligations that feed your ego more than require your presence.
Build in "margin time" that will buffer you in case of illness, delayed airplanes, staff absenteeism, etc. Never schedule yourself so tightly that a flat tire will send you over the edge! (To explore this further, reference "Margin" by Richard A. Swenson, M.D.)
Consider Pareto’s Law or the 80/20 Rule: What fewer things can I do that will give me the greatest reward? Take a harsh look at the benefit you receive from the actions you take to determine if it’s worth doing differently, or doing at all, in the future.
Prioritize your values and bump up the demands of life against your list. Keeping in mind that the body reacts to stressors with the same severity, put your energy where it counts the most.

We Do Have a Choice

In the final analysis, balancing work, life and managing stress is a choice we make on a minute by minute basis. In the Spring 2000 issue of Psychology Today, researches found that members of a sleep study who were told they would be awakened at 6 am began generating stress hormones 1.5 hours prior to that time. This process gradually prepared their body for a state of wakefulness. The other test group who were told they would be awakened at 9am but who were abruptly roused at 6am, had none of the same hormones present in their body.

Their conclusion: we have more control than we think we do!

About The Author
Laura Benjamin is President of Laura Benjamin International Inc., a professional speaking and Business Relationship Development consulting company. Laura specializes in Team Interventions and Management Development and promotes the concept, "it’s never ‘just business’ - it’s always personal" as a strategic mindset to achieve market leadership. Laura is the author of "The C.A.R.L.A. Concept™: How to Raise an Issue, Prove Your Point, and Communicate with Confidence and Clarity," 2005, Pinehurst Press Ltd. For more information, visit: www.LauraBenjamin.com.